I like you like I shouldn't
by Diana Wong
Summary: Timcanpy also known as Cross's golden golem has fallen in love with the redheaded General. What will Tim do and how will Cross react? Yaoi. Tim/Cross
1. Prologue

Prologue

I've always liked Cross a lot, maybe more than I should. Sure I like Allen as well, but not in the same way. I've seen Cross bed countless of women and even some men, but he never lets anyone know about the later. Ha acts all mean and heartless, except towards me. It's different when he's alone with me. I know that he's actually a very gentle and sensitive person. He has reasons for acting like an asshole. He's been hurt a lot. Not physically, but mentally. First by his family, then his best friend. A couple of years later he got his heart broken by his true love and other best friend died. I know he can't take being hurt one more time. That's why he acts like he does. He doesn't want to get close to anyone, but I know he cares for his pupil even if he refuses to admit it. I want to touch him, to hug him and tell him that it's okay. Recently I've been wanting to do all that stuff he does to his sex partners, but I can't do any of those things. It's impossible. I'm not human. I have no arms, no hands, not even legs. I am a golem. Cross's golem, Timcanpy, but people call me Tim. Sure people may see me as Allen's golem at the moment and that's okay. I like Allen and Cross told me to watch over him, but even if I like Allen… The only one for me is General Cross Marian.


	2. Chapter 1

If there's anyone who doesn't understand it yet, this is a YAOI. If you DON'T LIKE you then you should leave NOW. If you're all for it. Then welcome ~

* * *

Chapter 1

Tim's point of view.

Cross was back at the order. I felt unbelievably happy. I could get to see him after all this time. I flew straight towards his room, hoping he'd be there. The door was slightly ajar. It only made my excitement grow and I flew faster and into the room. Cross was sitting on the window sill, looking out at the rain. Judging by his transparent shirt and damp hair he'd probably been out in the rain for a while before arriving. I carefully flew over to him and rubbed myself lightly against his cheek. He turned away from the window and looked at me.  
"Hi Tim…" He said quietly. He looked a bit depressed. It made me sad. I didn't like to see him depressed. He was probably thinking of the past again. He usually did when he was alone. Either that or smoking and drinking until he passed out. I know it's his way of dealing with his emotions. He just don't know what to do with them otherwise. He grabbed me carefully and scratched me lightly behind a wing. I love when he does that. Allen still hasn't figured out that I like it. I leaned into his touched. Cross smiled a little. I loved that it was I who were cheering him up at these moments.

* * *

I sat on his pillow, watching him as his eyes seemed to get heavier and heavier. Cross was a light sleeper. A single movement could wake him up if you didn't know certain things like I did. I didn't want him to sleep yet though. I wanted him to be aware of my feelings for him. I had studied him every time he slept with somebody and knew his weak points. What better way was there to show my feelings than through those points? I did have a mouth after all. I moved closer to him until I had access to his neck. Then I gently bit down. I could feel him move lightly. I continued to bite and lick until I heard his breathing get a bit faster and he pushed me away.  
"Stop it Tim…. I need to sleep…." He mumbled and turned his back towards me. He didn't know why I was doing it. Why wasn't I a human? That way I could've just told him my feelings and then I could've done everything that happened in my fantasy. Why was I just a golem?

* * *

I was watching Cross as he got dressed. He had such a nice body. Muscular, but not overly so and at the same time slim. His clothes never revealed much skin though. It was such a pity. Why not show a body like that off? Maybe it was good that he didn't. I would have gotten jealous of everyone else. I was still a bit upset by him not getting that I like him, so I decided to get a bit of revenge. I flew over to him and bit his ass.  
"Ow!" He exclaimed. I flew over to a shelf, satisfied with my accomplishment. I had left a marvelous bite mark. He glared at me, but I knew he couldn't stay mad forever. I was still just a golem after all. It didn't take long before he sighed and put on the rest of his clothes.  
"What's with you? First you bite my neck and then my ass? Have I displeased you in some kind of way?" He muttered while buttoning his shirt. I just kept quiet and watched seeing as I didn't have the ability to talk. Cross would never get my feelings, would he?

* * *

I decided to just fly around aimlessly while Cross was eating in the cafeteria. I probably had to become used to the fact that Cross wouldn't look at me like I was looking at him. It was a bit depressing. I flew into Komui's office and sat down on a shelf. The supervisor wasn't sleeping for once. He was talking with Reever, one of the scientists.  
"I have made the ultimate potion!" Komui said proudly and held the small bottle for everyone, which really was just Reever and me, to see.  
"Exactly how dangerous is this now potion?" Reever asked. Good question. Komui's things tended to be a bit dangerous.  
"Not at all. This will let non-humans turn into humans at will." He said and put the bottle down on the desk. Oh, it didn't sound dangerous at all. Wait a minute! A potion that could let me turn into a human at will. I would be able to tell Cross how I felt! I needed that potion! I quietly flew down from the shelf and landed on the desk. Neither Komui nor Reever had seen me. I opened my mouth and took the bottle before quickly leaving the room. I flew directly to Allen's room since he was out for a mission anyway. Spit the bottle out on the bed and looked at it. This was my ticket to Cross's heart. I somehow got the bottle open and drank the liquid.

* * *

I slowly opened my eyes. My head was really hurting. I slowly sat up and scratched my neck lightly. Wait a minute… I looked down. Hands. Legs. I quickly got up on my feet. I was a bit wobbly, but I had legs! I could stand! I wobbled over to a mirror and looked at myself. A blonde man looked back. I had bright gray eyes and a very nicely shaped face. Cross just had to like this! I smiled happily at my reflection. I had to get some clothes though. I couldn't just wander around naked. I walked over, much steadier this time, to Allen's closet and looked through it, but quickly realized that his clothes would be too small. I looked around and decided to use the blanket to cover myself instead. Now I just had to find some clothes and then I could tell Cross about my feelings, push him down on the bed or maybe up against a wall…? I would touch him either way. I would make him scream my name like all the women had screamed his. I had longed for this and it was finally within my grasp! I knew all of his sensitive spots, I had seen sexual intercourse a lot of times and knew what to do. Nothing could go wrong!

* * *

This hadn't really gone as planned. Komui stared intensively at me. I gulped lightly, hoping he wouldn't throw me out.  
"Who are you?" He asked. I opened my mouth. I was a human now so I could speak, right? Only weird sounds got out. I had no idea of how to make the right sound after all.  
"You're not very good at speaking." Komui said.  
"And why in the world are you only wearing a blanket?" He continued and shook his head. I simply stared at him, unsure of what to do. Komui looked me over again.  
"Well… I could get you some clothes and teach you how to speak English…" He said slowly and then grabbed my arm.  
"To my office!"

* * *

Cross's point of view.

Where in the world was Tim? I thought he was going to keep me company? Well, sure. He had been acting strange before. Biting my neck and then my ass? Had I said or done something wrong? I sighed lightly. My ass still hurt after his bite. The bite mark was probably still there. Stupid golem. What was with him? First he bites me and now I can't find him. Great. Last time I had seen him was when I went to the cafeteria, but that was hours ago. He probably went back to Allen. I sighed lightly again. I could do without Tim. I had done that for some time now. I could smoke now if I wanted and maybe drink a bit. I didn't really feel like thinking about my past at the moment and I always did when I was alone. If I wasn't smoking or drinking of course. One could say I wasn't in my best mood as I headed back to my room.

* * *

Tim's point of view

I had to spend hours with Komui before I finally learned how to make the right sounds and lie me out of the situation. I quickly took the first chance to flee that I got and ran away from Komui's office. I didn't stop until I was outside Cross's room. I panted lightly. I didn't know running could be so hard. I looked at the door. I just had to knock and walk inside. I took a deep breath.  
"It's me... Tim… and… I love… you." I mumbled to myself and smiled lightly. I gave the door a light knock and stepped inside.  
"Cross?" I said lightly. It felt weird to speak. I immediately felt the smell of alcohol and smoke. Cross was passed out on the bed. I slowly walked over to him. I looked at him and just couldn't resist the urge to touch him. It felt nice to touch his face with human hands. He didn't move, nor did he wake up. It was probably thanks to the alcohol. Was it okay to touch more? I had longed for this.

* * *

My body was moving on its own. I couldn't stop. I climbed into the bed, straddling him. I carefully unbuttoned his shirt, or tried to at least. It was harder than it looked. Finally it opened. I smiled lightly as I carefully put a hand on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat and the way my hand followed his chest as he was breathing felt comfortable. There was a weird feeling in my nether regions. It wasn't really a bad feeling. Could it be what one of the men had called an erection? If so then it was a good sign. I turned my attention towards Cross again. How could I not touch when he was lying right before me like this? I leaned forward and kissed his neck lightly, on exactly one of those sensitive spots. I sucked lightly on the skin earning both a movement and a sound from the redhead. A low moan. I felt excited and did it again, this time on another spot. More sounds. What else had I learned from watching? I looked at his chest again and rubbed my thumb against one of his nipples. There was no sound this time, but he moved lightly. Maybe if I did both things? I leaned forward again, sucking and kissing his neck while rubbing his nipples lightly.  
"Nhn…" Cross said and moaned lightly. My pants were tightening a bit. It wasn't very comfortable, but I ignored it since my biggest wish were coming true. I moved from his neck and sucked on his collarbone instead, earning another moan. I left some marks, but they wouldn't be visible beneath his shirt.

* * *

I soon stopped to just look at him. He was still asleep, but he was breathing a bit heavier than before and I was pretty sure he had an erection as well. I leaned over him and pressed my lips against his. Just like I've seen him do. His eyes fluttered open. I stared. That's right. He had been sleeping. Touching him like this wasn't right. To my surprise he started to kiss back. I broke the kiss in pure surprise.  
"What a weird dream… it feels real…" He mumbled, obviously still drunk. I decided to stop and was just about to climb off him when he grabbed my arm lightly.  
"Mnm… Don't stop… Do whatever you'd like… it's just a dream anyway…" He said. I looked at him. Did he really believe that it was a dream? Was this okay then? He did tell me to go on… I went back into my straddling position and leant down again. He just looked at me with his visible eye half open. I kissed him again and he kissed back. I could feel his tongue push against my lips and opened my mouth in confusion. His tongue slipped into my mouth. So this was how he kissed with people? I somehow pushed his tongue back with my own and let it explore his mouth. It felt so fantastic. I unconsciously rubbed myself against him, making me gasp and causing him to moan. He sat up and pushed me down against the mattress. No, I wanted to be the dominant one! I grabbed him and managed to roll us around so that I was lying on top of him. My pants were really too tight so I got rid of them and my underwear too. I didn't need them. I wasn't really shy anyway. I looked down on my throbbing member. Wow, so that's how it looked? Cross sat up. I looked at him and then at my manhood. I had seen at least one lady take one of these in her mouth. My body of its own again and I pulled Cross closer, pressing his head down towards my erection. He struggled a little, but I held his head in place. I don't really know why I did it.  
"I don't usually…" He began, but my body moved on its own yet again and I pushed my erection into his mouth. I could see that he got surprised.  
"Do it." I said in a firm voice. I could feel him tremble lightly, but he did what he was told. I could feel his tongue on my member, stroking. It felt unbelievably good. Then he began to suck lightly. I let out a moan and unconsciously pushed his head further down. He made some kind of choking sound, but I didn't care. It felt so unbelievably good. I grabbed his hair instead pulled him back a bit and then slammed him back again, making him do the choking sounds once again. I didn't know where my behavior came from, but I liked it. I felt powerful and the one I loved was with me, doing things with me. I continued to pull his head back just to slam it back down. As I was doing it a feeling was started to appear in my stomach. It felt so unbelievable good. It felt better and better by the minute and suddenly it felt like I was in heaven. I could feel Cross move, trying to get his head way, but I held him still until the fantastic feeling subsided a bit. It wasn't until then that I let go. Cross immediately moved away and coughed wildly. For a moment I thought I'd hurt him badly, but he stopped coughing after a while. So that was how it felt to cum? No wonder people liked it so much and it seemed that Cross had swallowed it all. Probably because I had held him in place. I could see that he himself had an erection. Did he perhaps like to be treated roughly? I tugged on his hair to draw him closer and kissed him. He looked like he was about to faint though. It was probably a combination of lack of air and alcohol. I grabbed his chin and made him look at me.  
"You're mine and only mine." I said and kissed him, harder this time. Cross closed his eyes and became limp. He had fainted.

* * *

Cross's point of view.

I woke up with a throbbing headache.  
"My head…" I mumbled, just to realize that my throat was hurting as well. I slowly got out of bed, just to stumble right into the wall. What a strange dream. There had been a blonde guy. A pretty good looking guy there. We had kissed and then the guy had forced me to give him a blowjob and I had liked it. I had liked to be treated roughly like that.  
"Am I a masochist?" I mumbled to myself and buttoned my shirt. I looked over at the bed. The golden golem were lying on my pillow, looking like he was asleep. Mine. That's what the guy had said. Why did I have a dream like that anyway? It could be because Tim had been biting me yesterday. That and the alcohol. Yeah, that must be it. It had felt really real though and my throat did hurt, but there was no such guy at the order. I sighed lightly. Weird dreams or no weird dreams. I was going to eat breakfast.


	3. Chapter 2

I'm tired, depressed and worried, but here you go. I tried to write something at least.

* * *

Chapter 2

Cross's point of view.

I stared at the mirror. When? How? What? Hickeys? When did those get there? I touched one of them lightly. I hadn't been in a situation that could get me those. I felt confused. The only encounter I had was within a dream, but dream didn't leave marks. If they did I would have been dead long ago. How in the world did they appear? Could it be that what happened last night hadn't been a dream? If so… Someone had snuck into my room and I had… I quickly looked away from the mirror when I felt my cheeks grow hot. No, calm down. There had to be another explanation. There was no one who looked like that at the order. It could have been a finder though. I wasn't paying too much attention to how they looked anyway. Maybe I should? I bit my lip lightly and got dressed. Tim was still sitting on my bed, watching me like he usually did. He was just a golem so I didn't really care. I sighed lightly and sat down beside him. I picked him up and scratched him lightly behind a wing while thinking. What was I supposed to do…?

* * *

Tim's point of view.

This was great. He had noticed the hickeys and it had made him blush. I hadn't seen anyone accomplish that in a very long time, but at the same time this wasn't good at all. I had taken advantage of him while he was drunk. There was no way I could show myself in human form now. I felt guilty. I bit his finger lightly when it came in sight. I'm sorry for taking advantage of you, was what I wanted to say. Cross looked down on me.  
"Again with the biting?" He said and sighed lightly.  
"You didn't see anyone come into my room… or leaving it?" He asked. I shook my head. Or I would have if I had one.  
"No? Then was it really a dream? But if that's the case… then how…?" He mumbled. I could see that it bothered him and I felt guilty again.  
"… It wasn't really a bad dream though…" He mumbled even quieter. I quickly looked up at him. It wasn't a bad **dream**? Had he really said it? He actually liked it? So there was hope!

* * *

I followed him to the cafeteria. He looked as if he was deep in thought. Was he thinking about last night? About what I had made him do? It had felt really good to me, but what about him? Had he felt good as well? What if he hadn't? He did have an erection at that time though. I never touched it though. Was I being a horrible person for not touching him more? We entered the cafeteria and immediately saw Winters. I could hear Cross sigh. He didn't like the other general and neither did I, but of course he immediately saw Cross.  
"Oi! Cross!" He yelled and motioned for him to walk over there. The redhead sighed again and walked over to him.  
"What?" He asked.  
"Want to have a drinking contest? Winner gets to give the loser an order that he must follow." The general said with a grin.  
"No thank you." Cross said and continued to walk, leaving Winters to his own games.

* * *

I could see Cross getting more frustrated with every hour passing. He really had to be bothered by those hickeys. Maybe I shouldn't have done that… He really needed to relax though. Maybe the best way to do that was to get him drunk again. I flew off his shoulder and into his back to make him walk faster.  
"Huh?" Cross said, clearly confused.  
"What are you doing Tim? We're not in a hurry." He said and frowned lightly. I ignored him and didn't stop pushing until we were outside his room. He sighed lightly and walked inside I then flew after him and pushed one of the wine bottles towards him. He looked at me.  
"You want me to drink…?" He said, even more confused than before. I nodded and waited for him to pick it up, which he did.  
"I don't know Tim…" He said hesitantly. Since when did he start to refuse wine? I bit his ankle to show my opinion.  
"Ow! Okay! I'll drink! Geez… I wish you'd stop that biting habit of yours." He said and opened the bottle.

* * *

I watched him as he yawned and lay down on the bed. I had gotten him pretty drunk, but he had become more relaxed at least.  
"Come here Tim…" He slurred. I flew over to him, wondering what he wanted. He gently grabbed me and pulled me down until I rested against his chest. He scratched me lightly and yawned again.  
"Am I going to dream about that guy again…? I think I'd like that…" He mumbled and fell asleep. I stayed there for a while, just listening to his heartbeat. It was calming. He had said he'd like to dream about me again. Well. Not exactly me, but "that guy" was me so… I carefully got out of his grip and flew to the other side of the bed so that I was behind him. I then somehow, I'm still not really sure how I'm doing it, turned into a human. I disregarded the clothes I had hid under the bed. I lay down behind him and put my arms around him, pulling him against me. He was warm. It was a really nice feeling. I wanted to stay like that forever.  
"Mine." I whispered and kissed his neck lightly.

* * *

My heart was beating like crazy. He was so close to me. It was hard to hold back. I could feel my hand starting to stroke his chest lightly through his shirt. I lifted my other hand and let my fingers run down along his side, stopping halfway down. I looked down. My hand slowly slid down to the side and cupped his ass lightly. This was nice. I squeezed lightly. Cross mumbled lightly and rolled around so that he was facing towards me. I paused. This was quite nice as well. This time I use both my hands to touch his ass. I would be able to feel better without his clothes though. I carefully unbuttoned his pants so that it would be easier to sneak my hands inside, which I did.  
"Nhn…" Cross said when I squeezed his ass again, this time without clothes in between. I was amazed that he still was asleep. Alcohol must be magic. My body was once again moving of its own. It knew exactly what to do. I had seen a scene like this before. I slid a finger inside of him. He woke up with a gasp.  
"Ngn… o-oi…" He stuttered and struggled. I just grabbed him with my free hand and held him closer. I moved my finger lightly. He whimpered.  
"S-stop…" My body ignored him and continued doing whatever it wanted. I inserted a second finger.  
"O-ow… It hurts… s-stop it!" he started to struggle even more. I bit his neck lightly and then licked at the marks my teeth had left. I sucked lightly on the skin, successfully earning a moan form him. I was feeling great. I started to move my fingers in and out of him. He clawed at my sides, once again asking me to stop. I didn't.  
"Ah!" Suddenly he moaned very loudly. I paused what I was doing. Had I hurt him? No, that wasn't it. I pushed my fingers in the same way again and once again he moaned, shaking lightly. I withdrew my fingers, not sure what was going on. Had I been doing it wrong?

* * *

I looked at him for a while, deciding what to do. I kissed him. I could feel him hesitate and pushed my tongue lightly against his lips. He parted his lips, granting my tongue passage. I deepened the kiss and finally he started to kiss back. I enjoyed it, just as much as I had last night. I quickly got excited. He moaned lightly into the kiss, which just made my excitement grow. I broke the kiss and instead started to kiss his chest and collarbone. Mine. He was all mine. Suddenly he rolled us over and straddled me. He bent down and kissed my jaw. I lifted my arms to touch him, but he pushed them away.  
"No touching." He said and kissed the corner of my mouth. I frowned. I didn't want him to be the dominant one, but here he was taking the role over. I tried again, but he once again pushed away my arms and started to kiss a trail down my chest. My frustration was taking over. I grabbed him and pushed him down against the bed. I grabbed his arms and tied them behind his back with his own belt. He looked a bit shocked.  
"What…?" He said slowly as I pulled him up in a sitting position.  
"Just do what I tell you to." I said and grabbed his chin to pull him into a kiss. He kissed back. I soon broke the kiss though.  
"Understood?" I asked him.  
"But…" He began, but I gave him a glare and he stopped mid-sentence.  
"Understood…" He said quietly. I smiled lightly. Good. I had thought this would be much harder, but him being drunk made this much easier after all. I stroked his cheek lightly.  
"I like you… like I shouldn't do. I'm in love with you." I said and kissed him again. He kissed back.  
"You're… in love with me…?" He mumbled lightly against my lips. I nodded.  
"Yes. I've been for a very long time. I just haven't been able to tell you before." He looked at me with a questioning look.  
"Why? Why do you love me? I've never seen you before…" He said. My smile instantly disappeared. That's right. He didn't know who I was, but I couldn't tell him now. Not like this.  
"Yes. You have. I've been there for a long time, watching over you." I said lightly.

* * *

I looked at him as he slept beside me. Was this how it was supposed to be? Was I going to have to appear only at night? Would he never get to know who I really was? I lifted one of his hands and kissed the marks his belt had left. I hadn't meant to hurt him, but he had seemed to get a bit more excited when I had touched him while he was tied up. Maybe he really did like to be treated roughly? I had to read about this stuff so that I could do things properly next time. I knew Lenalee had books that she called yaoi. Maybe they could provide some kind of information? Yes, that's what I was going to do tomorrow. I kissed Cross's forehead and went back into being a golem. I snuggled up against his chest and waited for tomorrow to come.


End file.
